Ask for a referral only after the person has enough context to feel comfortable attaching their name to your application.

A referral request works better as a natural next step after a useful conversation than as the opening purpose of the relationship.

You can mention that you are preparing to apply and ask whether they recommend any next step before submitting.

If they do not offer or seem hesitant, keep the relationship professional rather than pushing for a yes. For more detail, see the consulting coffee chat guide and the PhD networking guide.

The conversations got much better once I stopped treating every chat like it had to lead to a referral.

For what it's worth, Email worked better when I had a specific reason for contacting that person.

yeah, The best chats I had felt like normal conversations, not a list of prepared questions.

yeah, Email worked better when I had a specific reason for contacting that person.